• Shock stage*: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
• Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
• Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
• Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
• Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
• Testing stage*: Seeking realistic solutions (I think this is the stage where the great idea to buy out all of the water and toilet tissue arose).
• Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Loss, uncertainty and fear are difficult to navigate, especially for those who are dealing with concurrent stressors (work dynamics, preexisting health concerns, challenging relationships, etc.) and trauma. 

So, how can I fix my lips to say that 2020 is an amazing year?

What I am choosing to acknowledge about 2020 is that this year is forcing us to rethink and reset our personal and professional relationships and priorities in ways unimagined. 

Picture 2020 as an empowered, resilient and wise grandmother ( or “Big Mama”) who has witnessed the previous decades and has come in to completely rearrange your life so as not to reproduce the same results. She is coming in clearing out cabinets, closets and other places where you have hidden your talents and treasures. She is forcing you to feel fear in order to reinforce and fully activate your faith. Social Distancing is her way of having you acknowledge that your health and wellbeing is inextricably linked to that of others and sometimes, you do not need to be “running around with everybody.” 

Queen Angela Bassett as Queen Ramonda in Black Panther. Image source: BlackPanter Costu.me

It is thought provoking that we are being forced to isolate ourselves in order to either heal or to stay healthy, as I have been engaged in selective social distancing throughout my divorce journey.  By doing so, I have been able to sever relationships or erect stronger boundaries with those who have (unintentionally or intentionally) enabled unhealthy, destructive behaviors in me and vice versa. I have been able to deepen relationships with those who are actively working to engage in the world in healthy and productive ways, while creating new connections with individuals that were not accessible to me during my time of navigating the world on autopilot through an anxiety and stress-laden emotional fog.

 If prior to 2020 and this pandemic you were operating on autopilot and the quality of your relationships with yourself, others, nature, money, etc. were less than optimal (wait for it):

• What if you use this time to re-connect or realize your larger purpose?
• What if community relationships were more than résumé fillers and you were more actively engaged in the well-being of the community-at-large than ever before?
• What if you used this time to purge your surroundings of toxicity of all kinds?
• What if, regardless of your station in life, you tapped into your creativity to produce what only your mind, talent, and spirit can create?
• What if you use this time of solitude to challenge your thoughts and assumptions about yourself, your faults and your capabilities?
• What if you emerge from this moment where fear is an expectation, faith-focused, totally unbothered and filled with “power, love and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7)?