As I write this post, we are experiencing the COVID-19 pandemic that has shifted governments, businesses, schools and families in an unprecedented way. And again, our hearts are still heavy from losing Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna and 7 others. In addition, we are experiencing loss at the community and personal levels. We have all had a speed dating-like experience with the 7 stages of Grief and Loss as of late. For those who are not familiar with the seven stage model by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, here is a breakdown:
Shock stage*: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
Loss, uncertainty and fear are difficult to navigate, especially for those who are dealing with concurrent stressors (work dynamics, preexisting health concerns, challenging relationships, etc.) and trauma.
So, how can I fix my lips to say that 2020 is an amazing year?
What I am choosing to acknowledge about 2020 is that this year is forcing us to rethink and reset our personal and professional relationships and priorities in ways unimagined.
Picture 2020 as an empowered, resilient and wise grandmother ( or “Big Mama”) who has witnessed the previous decades and has come in to completely rearrange your life so as not to reproduce the same results. She is coming in clearing out cabinets, closets and other places where you have hidden your talents and treasures. She is forcing you to feel fear in order to reinforce and fully activate your faith. Social Distancing is her way of having you acknowledge that your health and wellbeing is inextricably linked to that of others and sometimes, you do not need to be “running around with everybody.”
It is thought provoking that we are being forced to isolate ourselves in order to either heal or to stay healthy, as I have been engaged in selective social distancing throughout my divorce journey. By doing so, I have been able to sever relationships or erect stronger boundaries with those who have (unintentionally or intentionally) enabled unhealthy, destructive behaviors in me and vice versa. I have been able to deepen relationships with those who are actively working to engage in the world in healthy and productive ways, while creating new connections with individuals that were not accessible to me during my time of navigating the world on autopilot through an anxiety and stress-laden emotional fog.
If prior to 2020 and this pandemic you were operating on autopilot and the quality of your relationships with yourself, others, nature, money, etc. were less than optimal (wait for it):
What if you use this time to re-connect or realize your larger purpose?
What if community relationships were more than résumé fillers and you were more actively engaged in the well-being of the community-at-large than ever before?
What if you used this time to purge your surroundings of toxicity of all kinds?
What if, regardless of your station in life, you tapped into your creativity to produce what only your mind, talent, and spirit can create?
What if you use this time of solitude to challenge your thoughts and assumptions about yourself, your faults and your capabilities?
What if you emerge from this moment where fear is an expectation, faith-focused, totally unbothered and filled with “power, love and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7)?
2020 is here to rearrange our lives. She is not here to play games. Let’s pause for a moment (or two weeks) to pay attention to what she is teaching us.
P.s. For anyone who is interested in other uplifting resources, check out (with more to come):
I hope you enjoyed your February and are ready to step into March like an HBCU band! Lift those knees, PEOPLE (Loving memories of Mr. Conrad Hutchinson III, Inglewood High School’s Band Director. R.I.P.)!!!
The world is busy being too busy: We stopped for a nanosecond to celebrate the lives of Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna, the U.S. is preparing for the 2020 election and the pre-insanity that occurs leading up to November, the coronavirus has U.S. government officials doing the “Confused Child Shuffle” (“The virus will not spread to…huh? What? It has?!? NO, what I meant to say was not TODAY.”), and many other issues that are part of Humanity’s Cup (shameless plug – 2nd edition available now). Even with everything that surrounds us, we are alive and we still have the capacity to do remarkable, life-changing things.
Melissa “Missy” Arnette Elliott. Goddess of Creativity.
With a desire to do something constructive, I have been spending time engaging my creativity. With that said, many of you (all three of you) are aware of the online store I launched for gift items that have a positive message. Recently on the site, I wrote a post about my excitement for the items created for the Month of March: Women’s History Month. I started the site during Black History Month. As a Black woman, I love the idea that I have two consecutive months to be reflective and celebrate our many accomplishments (I do it every day, but you get my point). Take a gander at the post below:
The slogan for this month’s collection comes from a poem from my forthcoming book, “Emancipation Papers.” The poem is about a person who takes on the emotions of others and transforms them into something we desperately need: Excellence. Similar to how a tree takes in carbon dioxide and converts it into oxygen, we can recycle toxic energy and turn it into something powerful and life giving (takes a lot of self-awareness work, but it is possible). That is why I thought the statement “I exhale EXCELLENCE” was perfect for our next line.
A word of inspiration to each of you: Continue to take on any challenge. Transform it. Release it as EXCELLENCE!
Do not let what is surrounding you to negatively transform you. We each have the power to take negative energy, transform it and release it!