My Mom’s Mother’s Day Message

In recognition of Mother’s Day, I yield this week’s post to my mother. I previously mentioned that my mom was a writer for the Herald Dispatch in the 70’s. Here is one of her articles (Yes, this is my awkward Black Girl way of saying, “My mama said…!”).

GROWTH AND CHANGE 

There can be no growth in repetition of an experience, unless at the same time we are making some provisions for broadening the base of the experience. To grow we must gain a new vision, and a wider outlook, a better way of doing things that will increase our usefulness. 

Forget The Past…(Cremate it) and forge ahead.

Think: I know that I have a right place and right activity in the Divine scheme of Life and that I am God-guided to the right place now. God’s presence is with me and I have no fear. 

We are continuously living a new life and when the old, being no longer able to contain the new, should be discarded. God’s limitless bounty is yours to receive, you need only to ask, give thanks and believe. 

YOUR FAITH

 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead. James 2:26

The fact always has been that, although the reach of faith is boundless, without works [it] is meaningless. They are the two parts of a whole life. “Works” include the willingness to do something about our own problems as well as consideration of others. We commune with the Almighty for solace, protection, guidance and to search our motives before undertaking a course of action. But to follow such Holy Communion with inaction or indecision can bring forth no accomplishment or satisfaction. In the arena of human affairs, the deed must enact the thought. Merely to be good is not enough. We must DO GOOD. We cannot withdraw from the worldly activity hoping to find in seclusion life’s purpose in the answer to our problems. Prayerful contemplation should be entered into regularly for real inspiration, but not as a retreat from daily life.

My mom rockin’ the BIG hair back in the 70’s! I love you, Mom!

THINK 

I have both the ability to understand and do that which is right for all concerned. My faith in God is embodied in my acts today; that they may reveal the Divine benefits which flow from the use of right ideas. 

Man’s actions should swing from inspiration to action, from contemplation to accomplishment, from prayer to performance!!!

We shall endeavor to bring new thoughts of enlightenment each week to our readers. As I leave you this week, remember the GOLDEN SILENCE:  CONTEMPLATE ON THIS 

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD  Psalms 46:10

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms and like-moms out there! Blessings, safety and health to you & yours.

Dr. Kecia 

Mother of MAKAILA

Daughter of JUNE

Sister of JACKIE

Aunt of MALIA

The Benefit of Being Overwhelmed

“The enormity of it all hit me as I watched Bishop Jakes’ sermon. Then, it happened. I cried. The real “I” cried, meaning I cried from my soul. I cried for myself, my family and the whole damn world. Once I was done, I felt ready. That release and that emotional/spiritual support was what I needed so I could re-engage and get back to work. Thank you, Bishop.”

Happy Resurrection Sunday to All!

The excerpt above comes from my journal entry from last Sunday. As you may have [not] noticed, I did not post anything last week. Admittedly, I needed to sit with what was going on around me. Normally a Dispositional Optimist (respect to Dr. Jacqueline Mattis), I usually have a tendency towards feeling that no matter what is going on around me, when it is all said and done, everything is going to work out. 

Yeah, my Dispositional Optimism was on vacation week before last. So, my need for some spiritual nourishment was real.

Segue to the sermon.

In my opinion, Bishop Jakes is an amazing adult educator, biblical scholar and entrepreneur. And, he can preach. As a preacher’s kid, you learn that a real preacher can preach to 1 with the same conviction, fire and purpose they can 100,000. His sermon “The Shock of Suffering” is an example of that.

Please know that I am not here to convert anyone to a particular religious orientation. See this information the same way you used to see those little receptacles in stores where you could leave a penny or take a penny (now in the time of COVID-19, leave that penny alone).

Aretha Admonishment
The undeniable  Queen of Soul, Aretha Louise Franklin. Image source: YouTube: A Change Is Gonna Come.

The reason why I needed to hear a positive word was because I was starting to feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by what loved ones were dealing with financially, emotionally and physically. I was overwhelmed hearing stories from friends in New York as they received calls about loved ones who were dying. I was overwhelmed (yet grateful) for the daily briefings from California Governor Newsom. 

Over it (COVID-19) and overwhelmed.

Have you ever been overwhelmed to the point of inaction? Or, in my case, to the point of “Processing-by-Pantry” (#COVIDcalories #COVIDCrunchies)? 

It seemed like my advice was muted. The resources I offered were meaningless. My empathic ear was not enough. I could not shoulder the enormity of this moment by myself. And that is when I was reminded of the benefit of being overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed is like an alert system. It tells us that the current situation requires self awareness, curiosity, additional support/guidance and strategy to navigate.

As an example, I think about the times I have moved and it was time to move a hulky piece of furniture or an appliance. Regardless of how many times I lift the 10 and 15 lb weights, I am not capable of moving a refrigerator by myself (rumor has it though that my father once put a large refrigerator on his back and moved it by himself #daddybrag). Overwhelmed by the size of the task, I have had the wherewithal to know that I am not able and do not have the necessary equipment to move a refrigerator. I had no problem looking for the right people to do the job safely. 

Moving a refrigerator does not equate to the level of current crisis we see globally, but it serves as a decent metaphor. Even if we can handle life’s heaviest challenges on our own, it does not mean there is not a more fruitful and saner way to manage the situations we are experiencing.

On this Resurrection Sunday, I encourage you to think about the various changes you and those around you are navigating, the various support systems available (people, places and things) and how best to develop plans to help move “the refrigerators” around you. For some, the situations around you may be the size of a mini refrigerator while others are dealing with “Double Wides” that are more complex. Whatever the situations may be, take some time to be still and honestly assess the needs around you, then seek support accordingly (Social Distancing ≄ Emotional/Spiritual Disconnection).

For those who need a tool to help you think through how to manage the changes you are experiencing, feel free to visit the Keeping Balanced Instagram page (keeping.balanced). Learn more about a framework that I have used to support those who have felt overwhelmed by career changes, job loss, family challenges and other life transitions.

All 4Ss for Posting

No questions to ponder this week. I figure you have enough on your mind.

Continued health and safety to you and your loved ones.

RESOURCES

You have likely heard about the increase in domestic violence in the wake of the COVID-19 quarantine.  I posted about this on several social media outlets and want to add it here for this community.

There are many forms of domestic violence that are thriving under the current COVID-19 quarantine and social distancing environment: 

– Domestic Violence/Dating Violence
– Financial Abuse
– Reproductive Abuse & Coercion
– Sexual Abuse
– Stalking/Cyberstalking (Digital Abuse)
– Litigation Abuse.

Here are a few helpful websites for survivors and those who are looking to provide support to them:

National Domestic Violence Hotline
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence 
Office of Women’s Health (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)
Domestic Violence Resource Center 
National Coalition Of Anti-Violence Programs
Womenslaw.org

Remember: Social Distancing ≄ Emotional/Spiritual Disconnection. Please check on those who may need your support.

2020 Is An AMAZING Year!

2020 is here to rearrange our lives. She is not here to play games. Let’s pause for a moment (or two weeks) to pay attention to what she is teaching us. 

As I write this post, we are experiencing the COVID-19 pandemic that has shifted governments, businesses, schools and families in an unprecedented way. And again, our hearts are still heavy from losing Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna and 7 others. In addition, we are experiencing loss at the community and personal levels. We have all had a speed dating-like experience with the 7 stages of Grief and Loss as of late. For those who are not familiar with the seven stage model by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, here is a breakdown:

Loss, uncertainty and fear are difficult to navigate, especially for those who are dealing with concurrent stressors (work dynamics, preexisting health concerns, challenging relationships, etc.) and trauma. 

So, how can I fix my lips to say that 2020 is an amazing year?

What I am choosing to acknowledge about 2020 is that this year is forcing us to rethink and reset our personal and professional relationships and priorities in ways unimagined. 

Picture 2020 as an empowered, resilient and wise grandmother ( or “Big Mama”) who has witnessed the previous decades and has come in to completely rearrange your life so as not to reproduce the same results. She is coming in clearing out cabinets, closets and other places where you have hidden your talents and treasures. She is forcing you to feel fear in order to reinforce and fully activate your faith. Social Distancing is her way of having you acknowledge that your health and wellbeing is inextricably linked to that of others and sometimes, you do not need to be “running around with everybody.” 

2020 as Grandmother Wisdom and Power
Queen Angela Bassett as Queen Ramonda in Black Panther. Image source: BlackPanter Costu.me

It is thought provoking that we are being forced to isolate ourselves in order to either heal or to stay healthy, as I have been engaged in selective social distancing throughout my divorce journey.  By doing so, I have been able to sever relationships or erect stronger boundaries with those who have (unintentionally or intentionally) enabled unhealthy, destructive behaviors in me and vice versa. I have been able to deepen relationships with those who are actively working to engage in the world in healthy and productive ways, while creating new connections with individuals that were not accessible to me during my time of navigating the world on autopilot through an anxiety and stress-laden emotional fog.

 If prior to 2020 and this pandemic you were operating on autopilot and the quality of your relationships with yourself, others, nature, money, etc. were less than optimal (wait for it):

  • What if you use this time to re-connect or realize your larger purpose?
  • What if community relationships were more than résumé fillers and you were more actively engaged in the well-being of the community-at-large than ever before?
  • What if you used this time to purge your surroundings of toxicity of all kinds?
  • What if, regardless of your station in life, you tapped into your creativity to produce what only your mind, talent, and spirit can create?
  • What if you use this time of solitude to challenge your thoughts and assumptions about yourself, your faults and your capabilities?
  • What if you emerge from this moment where fear is an expectation, faith-focused, totally unbothered and filled with “power, love and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7)?

2020 is here to rearrange our lives. She is not here to play games. Let’s pause for a moment (or two weeks) to pay attention to what she is teaching us. 

Continued Blessings,

Dr. Kecia


P.s. For anyone who is interested in other uplifting resources, check out (with more to come):

“CORONAVIRUS WILL MAKE US ALL STRONGER” (Article written by Entrepreneur’s Editor in Chief)

SPECIAL EPISODE: A SOCIAL DISTANCING SURVIVAL GUIDE (NPR Special Podcast Episode)

BEYOND THE VIRUS . . .YOUR DAILY ANTIVIRAL MESSAGE (series by Iyanla Vanzant)

B-B-B-BYE CORONA – SELF CARE IN THE TIME OF PANDEMIC (blog by The Alchemist’s Studio)

NEVERALONE.LOVE (hosted by Deepak Chopra)

THE POSITIVITY SOLUTION (The name of the site says it all. Blog by Shola Richards)


 

Take it, Transform it and Release it!

I hope you enjoyed your February and are ready to step into March like an HBCU band! Lift those knees, PEOPLE (Loving memories of Mr. Conrad Hutchinson III, Inglewood High School’s Band Director. R.I.P.)!!!

The world is busy being too busy: We stopped for a nanosecond to celebrate the lives of Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna, the U.S. is preparing for the 2020 election and the pre-insanity that occurs leading up to November, the coronavirus has U.S. government officials doing the “Confused Child Shuffle” (“The virus will not spread to…huh? What? It has?!? NO, what I meant to say was not TODAY.”), and many other issues that are part of Humanity’s Cup (shameless plug – 2nd edition available now). Even with everything that surrounds us, we are alive and we still have the capacity to do remarkable, life-changing things.

Melissa “Missy” Arnette Elliott. Goddess of Creativity.

With a desire to do something constructive, I have been spending time engaging my creativity. With that said, many of you (all three of you) are aware of the online store I launched for gift items that have a positive message. Recently on the site, I wrote a post about my excitement for the items created for the Month of March: Women’s History Month. I started the site during Black History Month. As a Black woman, I love the idea that I have two consecutive months to be reflective and celebrate our many accomplishments (I do it every day, but you get my point). Take a gander at the post below:

The slogan for this month’s collection comes from a poem from my forthcoming book, “Emancipation Papers.” The poem is about a person who takes on the emotions of others and transforms them into something we desperately need: Excellence. Similar to how a tree takes in carbon dioxide and converts it into oxygen, we can recycle toxic energy and turn it into something powerful and life giving (takes a lot of self-awareness work, but it is possible). That is why I thought the statement “I exhale EXCELLENCE” was perfect for our next line.

A word of inspiration to each of you: Continue to take on any challenge. Transform it. Release it as EXCELLENCE!

Do not let what is surrounding you to negatively transform you. We each have the power to take negative energy, transform it and release it!

Continued Blessings,

Dr. Kecia